Action!

When I was in high school and for a bit afterwards, I had this really dysfunctional group of friends who all dated each other and cheated on each other and what not. It was like any WB show at that time! Anyhoo, since I never dated or anything I was almost always like the Switzerland/guru type person in the group. For some reason they always used to come to me for advice or just someone to listen. So, I took it upon myself for some reason to solve their problems the best way I knew how, I referred back to my old friend TV. How would Dawson and Joey handle this? And from the outside looking in, life is really easy to plot out.
When I decided to go on this life changing weight loss plan I decided to become the TV Director of my own life? Does that even make sense? What I mean is, I was looking at things from the outside looking in and from there I would plot out my life like a TV show. I wrote a character description of myself (for real!) and then I thought of the obvious next moves for this character to take her to the next step in her life. I came up with the solid plan of losing as much weight as I could in 10 months and then in June I was going to go SOMEWHERE... where I had not yet decided. Then real life came and ruined my plot when I got laid off. And although I try not to seem outwardly panicked I will admit that I am rattled. I just need to breathe, get in the director seat again and think this through, at least until the next obstacle. But hey, this ain't TV, this is real life.
So, in regards to how I was feeling blue yesterday; well, my brother, I can't control that he is who he is; but I can control how I react and how much I interact with my brother. I am going to grow up and do that. And when it comes to missing my co-workers, well they are still there and I have the control to keep them in my life. Hmmmmm that sounded a bit forceful and creepy. What I mean is, just because I am not Corus employee doesn't mean that I have lost privileges to all the friendships I made. Those are mine to keep!
My mood completely changed after seeing everyone last night and getting their really sweet card with all their well wishes. I will admit that on my way to clean out my desk for some reason I was as nervous as I was on my first day. But when I got their seeing everyone instantly made me feel better, just like on my first day. And cleaning out my desk felt like a natural part of taking the next step forward. I got to properly say goodbye to Corus Entertainment and that really made my heart feel better.
Today, I am ready to keep moving forward, ready to grow up and continue to be my own TV Director.
And action!

Surviving a case of the blahs!

Today, I am feeling a lot less good then I have in the past week, since I have been laid off. I am tired of living with my spazztastic brother who literally freaks out at something I do to piss him off at least 5 times a week. I know I am not perfect, I know I make mistakes, but for the most part when it comes to living with a goddamn volcano like him, I just keep my head down and go about my business. Apparently, even that is enough to annoy him. I hate all the friggin' confrontation and drama!!! Dude needs to calm the hell down!
Ugh... does that not sound like a problem of a teenager? Yeah - it does!
I am also missing my work friends A LOT! I miss talking about TV with them, I miss Kathy telling me nature stories from Bragg Creek, I miss Rob and Patrick mocking me, and frankly, I even miss some of the work. This is probably due to the fact that pretty much all I have done this week is go the gym and spend time at home. At least I get to see my work friends for a bit today!
I so can't wait until my travels start and get see some new scenery, associate with people who don't freak out like some mutant Napolean Dynamite/Jersey Shore hybrid every time I speak, and just have a taste of the freedom that I have been granted.
God/Allah/Buddah/Universe - please grant me patience and the restraint not to eat my sorrows away.

No longer a prisoner of un-requited love...

Last night I was talking to a friend about all his relationship problems. All the ups and downs seemed exhausting and he seemed like a way more jaded and bitter person, than the last time I saw him. Which got me to think about the idea of myself ever falling in love with someone again. Like I have said in past blogs, my love life has been pretty non-existant. I have always had a crush, someone I fell for, but when it came to me... no one ever fell. I tried so hard to transform into someone one of those idiots would love but to no avail. And now, I am so ashamed that I ever tried! Agh! So, since the last and what I like to call the final heartbreak, besides one blip about a year ago, a love life has been non-existant... no crushes... no nothing.
To all the people madly in love reading this you can pity me. But all the people who are right now fighting with someone, those of you who let someone else tear you a part everyday, and to those of you are just down right miserable at the hands of someone else; I pity you. Because since I have put the ridiculous notion of finding someone to love me out of my mind, my life has been serene. Life is FULL of things to focus on besides that. There is travel, writing, my family, and I am even let friends back in my life.
I will admit, it was not too long ago that I was the victim of un-requitted love but over the last year I have really stopped being it's prisoner. Letting that all go, it has made me take the time to figure what I really want out of my life and find the drive to go after it... and this time no one is holding me back with empty words and shallow charm... this time I have a clear path ahead.

Labour Day Weekend Babbling

Things I have noticed since, I have had time to notice...

Couples slow each other down. A woman running on the track swiftly by herself is joined by her husband and proceeds to leisurely stroll in the fast lane. If you have somewhere to go, it’s faster to go alone. (Yeah – yeah, says the spinster!)

Speedos seem like an inappropriate thing for any grown man to wear in public place, especially in front of children.

Boys are stupid and by observing them with other guys, I am not exactly sure when that phase, ends.

I don’t think I would be a laid back parent. I get worried about the little kids in the pool while their parents are reading a magazine on the side. I know there are lifeguards and whatnot but that is a piece of life you created there pal and I think it deserves a bit more of your attention. Oh yeah and there is no harm in teaching your kids manners while you are at it! (Thanks Mom and Dad for forcing on the “please, thank you, excuse me” mantra on me, I hope to pass it a long.)

I finally found a semi-appropriate time for techno music, only because of the bpm.

Crown-molding really classes a place up and HGTV really makes the time on the elliptical trainer fly by.

One day, I simply must own a vintage bar cart and formal dining room.

I was EXTREMELY stressed out and unhappy at my job! Despite being surrounded by wonderful co-workers for the most part; worrying about what ran on what station, dealing with clients who sucked the soul out of any writing I could do, and the paper-pushing work piling up in front of me was making me miserable! Now that I don’t have a job defining who I am anymore, I feel lighter and freer to be me. I am taking this time off to take care of myself and rest up before I take the big leaps I have planned ahead. There are times when I think I am being irresponsible not getting right back into finding a new job and maybe that is mistake. I just think after school, all the heartache, broken ankle and torn tendons, and throwing myself into my job, that I deserve a break. Anyways, unemployment has bought me another 17 pounds of weight loss in just the past week and my skin has cleared up too. Going to bed when I want and waking up when I want (2am – 10am) gives me more energy during the day than I have had in years and I have been writing more than I have been in a long time, at night.

Here I am pretending to be a writer and all I can say about how I feel right now... is... I feel good. And that’s... GOOD!

Insanity prevails!

Today, when I had finished my 1 hour on the elliptical trainer, I was walking around the track and thinking how I have lost my mind! I just cheered myself on for a whole hour on the elliptical trainer, I spent the past couple days making outlandish travel plans, and decisions about going after ridiculously HUGE goals. Oh yeah and did I mention I have no freaking a job? I should not be so relaxed and determined about anything but getting a new job, right? But no, I am taking 4 months off to travel and then moving across the country, on my own, to pursue becoming a sitcom/SNL writer... for real? I am usually a lot more practical than this. But practicality has pretty much got me nowhere. Oh who knows maybe I am not losing my mind but the losing the mind of old Andrea and this new free spirit with all this ambition, this is Andrea V2. I think she is about to make my life a whole lot more interesting!

New plans for 28!? Here goes...

The show Friends didn’t start until the characters were in their late twenties. I just had an unrealistic idea of what 28 would like back in high school. Grade 11 was a particularly terrible social year for me and I spent most of it in the back of the library by myself. And what would get me through all that melodramatic teen angst, was thinking about how I would have it all figured by the time I was 28. 28 was this magical number in my head when I was 16. At 28 I would be settled and successful and happy. But 28 the real “grown-up Andrea”, is living with her parents, with student loans up to her eye-balls, laid off and unemployed...yikes! It is really quite a mess, actually.
There are two ways to go into mess... defeated or putting up a big fight. The last time I went into a mess defeated I can honestly tell you I nearly died. I was lucky enough to have family and a few dear friends push me along until then I began to heal on my own. And while I healed I began to want all the things I used to want in the back in the library, but the years that have passed since 16 have added a few more things to that list. I do wanted be successful and settled, that is what I have always wanted.
I don’t maybe it is all the TV shows and books I read about all the places I have never seen in my life, but I want go out in the world and check things out! I want to see words I have read, come to life. I want to have an awesome stash of Facebook pictures that say, “Look at me, I am at Eiffel Tower!”
So, how do I get to travel and be settled and successful in a career that I am passionate about? That is a question I have been contemplating the last year of my life. Then I got laid off and now this question is really the center of my very being. So I had to sort through the facts. Things I truly know about myself.
1. I love being Canadian, it is very much a part of who I am. I say eh, just to friggin’ say it, eh!? There are many opportunities to advance my career and make my mark in this beautiful country. (But if I ever get the call for Saturday Night Live writing, I am out! )
2. I love TV with my heart and soul. I love the acting, writing, directing,etc... I am so excited for season premiere season, I may pass out! It is my dream to be a part of making a TV show, it why I went into broadcasting and I let fear make me settle for radio. I have to legitimately give myself the chance to get into TV and comedy writing.
3. I deserve a break! A long and wonderful vacation to marvel at beautiful things all over the world. I went to work every day with pneumonia, on a broken ankle after a spending the night sobbing and not sleeping. I have dragged myself to work and masked every problem that I had to deal with when I got out of there, with all the work that piled up. And now there’s no work to throw myself into anymore but maybe there is so much more. I need to go out and explore.
So how can I make both 16 year old and 28 year old Andreas happy? Well, here’s what I am thinking;
-After I going to Winnipeg to party with all my funky cousins September 15th to 21st, I am going to party with my other funky cousins in San Francisco for 10+ Days, with my Mommy of course! If I could somehow figure out a way to get to LA in an affordable way, I could see TVland with my very own eyes! *sigh*
- Then in November, I am taking the family tour on the road to England and Ireland and spend 4 weeks traveling around. I am going to take a 2 week Contiki tour around Europe and go to Edinburgh by myself. Eeeek! I’m SO excited!
- Okay, now this could sound excessive but I also want to go somewhere tropical in December. I was born in Winnipeg, I lived in Saskatoon, and I have suffered through way too many of Calgary’s supposedly “mild” winters and anti-climatic summers. I am ready to sit on a beach with a drink in my hand just chillaxin’. I think I earned some chillaxin’ time! (I am trying to convince myself!)
- And then when I get all that travel itchin’ out of me, I want to come back to my home Canada and go to work. I want to move to Toronto and work anywhere that will take me, while taking Comedy Writing courses at night at Second City!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had an Emmy speech written since I was 17... I need to try to get there and use it! Frig, if I could just get coffee for a writer on Saturday Night Live I would be in such a state of bliss! I am insane, right? There is just something about this time in my life that makes insanity, feel like the way to go.
Anyways, that is what my heart truly wants for my future. I am putting it out there for you to read and the universe to know! Also, I would like to lose the weight and win the lottery... just sayin’.
I am excited to see if and how I can make all this happen. Maybe, I will land on my fat ass but I have to wish, I have to try, I have to fight for the life that I want. Now’s my chance!

Late Night Freak Out

It is 2am and I am really quite tired but my brain is racing.
At about 9pm every night, I put my healthy lunch together; I pick out what I am going to wear and the eye shadow to match. And tonight at that time, all the not so great feelings about being laid off, finally hit me. (I know Mom ... you told me so!)
Just as my mother predicted, I spent 9pm and after sitting in my room having a good cry. I felt like a failure, even though the whole laying off thing was “restructuring”. I might have not been the biggest fan of the clerical side of my job but for the last 3 years I have put my heart and soul into data entry just to get a few moments to savour every moment I could to write a script I was proud of or have a good idea during brainstorm. For three years that is who I was; it was my reason to get up in the morning.
And now, what am I going to wake up to do? I can’t take a long time to decide because any money I have saved is going to dwindle down. I have to figure out this opportunity disguised as a giant mess, SOON! Since the age of 11 when I have needed to figure something out, I went to my journal... today I go to my blog.
I had a plan that I didn’t share too publicly because I didn’t want to be disloyal to my employer *eye roll* but here it is:
I was going use the next 10 months to shrink myself down and save money to get the hell out of Calgary by June 2011.
Well, fate had some other plans and now the not-so-shrunken version of me has the money and opportunity to get out of Calgary. The best laid plans, right?
As for a concrete plan about where I was going after Calgary.... yeah let’s just say I am bit confused.
Since, I first went to Vancouver and Victoria 9 years ago, I knew that was a place I was meant to call home one day. I identify with the liberal, hippy people and I love being near the ocean and mountains. I would think it would be easier to get a job in Vancouver rather than Victoria. And Vancouver is a beautifully efficient city compared to Calgary but a wee bit expensive!
But then there is Toronto. Home of the Second City’s Training Camp! The alumni are just some of the most successful Saturday Night Live and sitcom writers, ever! The city isn’t that expensive compared to Calgary, and a job might be easier to come by and I could take night classes at Second City!
There is also a really good opportunity for me to travel and work abroad before I am 30 with the SWAP program. Most of the exotic places I have seen in my life have been on books, movies and television. I have never been anywhere tropical, I want to see the ruins of Rome, and the Eiffel tower, and I want to learn to surf! I want to experience ... the world!
I am young, not tied down to work, love or property and I have been given this opportunity to go out and live life... RIGHT NOW! And I have no clue what I’m going to do... I know I just have to do something! *Breathe*...
Maybe, my Dad is right... maybe I shouldn’t over think this and plan too much. I should just apply everywhere and see what happens. It seems like the fates are not the biggest fan of my plans anyways!
Blergh! I need a life coach or something because I have no clue about what to do next? But I guess options are never a bad thing!
Thank you to everyone for their well wishes and keeping an eye out for work for me! Give me a shout and tell me what you think I should do!? All and any suggestions will be considered!
Now, I am going to follow the advice of my Broadcasting bud Hans and go for late night stroll to get out of my head and find faith that everything is going to be alright.
PS – Facebook friends who are getting sick of my annoying “unemployed status” updates, do what I do when I get annoyed with your “I am soooo in love” statuses... click on the right-hand side of my status and hide my updates!