Andrea Version 2.0

I am in a very interesting time in my life right now. After a long mourning period of complete social exile and mental avoidance, I think I am finally ready to poke my head out and partake in life again. And I am nervous! Not of being hurt... I think I am more bulletproof than I have ever been in my life... hardened... wiser. I am nervous because of all the possibilities... all the dreams that I have this time now to catch. I have looked at everyone else I have grown up with and I see they are light years ahead of me. In love... travelling... getting married and starting families. I got left behind somewhere back there or maybe I am just on a completely different path all together. My path? Where is it? What am I doing on this path? Why can’t I just Google the answer?
My life feels like a clean slate... for the first time in forever and I just don’t want screw this up. I want to make the right decisions. I want to be happy. In the past I thought my happiness lied in whether everyone else around me was happy. I now realize that my happiness is right within me. I have to trust myself... and let’s face it, that is really hard when I look back to my past. Has all this pain and heartache really made me wiser? Am I ready to go out and be an... *gulp*... adult?
YES! YES! YES!
I LOVE my family to death but I can’t live my life tied to their sides because I am a little afraid of some homesickness. Home sort of builds this kind of glory and legend when you have some time away from it. And that is exactly what I need right now... some time away. In touch and involved with my family but traveling and exploring and creating this life I am at task to build right now. They are my heart, my home and my anchor. I can go out into the world and know that these amazing people I am lucky enough to share DNA with are my steadfast safety net.
Before I can move forward with renovation plans for my new life, I need to do some clean up on the original structure.
When I am sad, tired, angry, bored,etc... I eat. Food is my comfort... my escape... and my body shows that. I am the heaviest I have ever been. In the past I have tried every diet but I have to admit something terrible... When my heart was broken I gave up ever wishing, thinking, hoping I could ever lose weight and I just ate what I wanted and did what I wanted just as a kind “F--- off to Life” kind of deal. So, I am so not giving out the exact details of my weight and how much I have to lose but let’s just say it is not going to be easy and my actions need to be drastic. My willpower when it comes to food is like non-existant and I have never committed to diet all the way to my goal weight. Why is it that I can commit my heart and soul to some douche bag in a prince costume but when it comes to committing to someone I know is awesome, ME, I totally run away and hide? There might not be a line of men at my door and there may not be any friends calling me to hang out that much anymore but I know me... and I know that I am good person and that I genuinely love who I am. I love myself enough to fix myself.
I have always believed in destiny... always chasing the answers reading horoscope about the month or year ahead of me. All my life I don’t think I have genuinely enjoyed the moment I was living without the distraction of planning ahead. And for the past two years the past has taken up residence in my mind too. I need to learn to be at peace and live in the moment. I need to explore my heart... my faith and find out how can I find happiness?
Money! Always whining and thinking about money. I am not lucky enough to bag myself a husband to double my tiny radio income. I have got about the same uphill battle with my finances as I do with my weight. I have used shopping as a therapy tool just as much as food and now I am paying for it... literally. So – I am going to be cutting coupons, doing free things and finding ways to make extra money. I want to travel and own a house one day so I have to sort my finances. I must admit I have some homework to do on how to clean up my finances and I will take all you blog followers along for the ride as I learn.
So, here is the big idea of this whole blog thing. At 28 many of my friends are giving birth to these new fresh slate amazing human beings and well starting August 1st, 2010 I am on my way to creating a new amazing human being too. Andrea Version 2.0 is going to be just as smart and witty but sleeker and richer hehe... well here’s hoping anyways. So I am hoping that in May 2011 you will all help me in welcoming Andrea Version 2.0 officially into this world. :)
Here goes!