Adele - Hiding my Heart

Adele - Tired

The story of my life sung beautifully by Adele.

Television Dreamin'

Let the following statement be clarified now as a vast understatement; I have been known to be a tad over emotional. My tear ducts often have a damp mind of their own. My feelings are as often passionate as they are unrequited. I have spent my whole life pretending like my brain is in charge but every big decision (mistake)I have made has been lead by my emotions. Over and over again my emotions and feelings have been my ruin. Whether they are freely flowing or erupted in a blast of messy, drunken and often written emotion; my feelings often lead to disaster.

I have been planning, researching and studying Toronto, Second City, and the Television Industry intensively for the last couple of years. Developing this new dream from myself helped save me from the darkness I was in at the time. I may have even driven myself slightly insane with all the over-thinking. But I want to be like the women I admire so much, Tina Fey and Oprah, living my passion in a smart and successful way. I mean do you think Tina Fey or Oprah have been mortified by a drunken text lately? Unlikely...

I have put myself through the ringer for the hope of finding someone to love me. My emotions have led me to give so much of myself away without ever waiting for someone to meet me half way. I attack my own dignity by obsessing, drunken texting and emailing and even pretending to understand and enjoy football to impress the latest douche bag I am trying to make love me. And it has always ended up with me alone with my real boyfriend Television.

Television has been the real love of my life, literally at first sight. Whether it was Super Grover, Alex P. Keaton, Rachel Green, or Liz Lemon even in my loneliest, pathetic fat girl moments I have had the company of these characters to carry me through. One of only things to save me through the social hell of high school was Saturday Night Live. So, not only am I passionate about television I feel in debt to it because it has not only been my constant companion over the years but I am pretty certain it has been my savior.

Other people's doubt doesn't matter anymore. My emotions and feelings don't matter anymore. My silly dream of love definitely doesn't matter anymore. I am a woman with a mission flowing through every cell of her body. I will cope, rationally and responsibly, in this big bad world on my own because it is what I have got to do to make a lifelong dream come true. Television is who I am. It is my future.

Oh sweet TV Goddesses Tina Fey and Oprah Winfrey send me your super powers!

THE BEATLES Remasters! /// 1. Two Of Us - (LET IT BE) - (STEREO Remaster...

James Morrison - If you don't wanna love me

Oops, I forgot to live in the moment!

I am beginning to rely on the gym to keep my sanity living in the limbo while I save for the next part of my-becoming-superstar-sitcom-writer journey. My job is helping me with the money saving part of things but it is pretty laid back. Sometimes I am almost crazy enough to miss a little stress in my days! How insane is that? Anyways the good thing about my laidback days is that I have like ton of energy when I am done work and I use as much of it as I can at the gym. The gym is the only part of my life lately where I feel on my path and filled with purpose.

I know you are supposed to "live in the moment" but the truth is my head, heart and soul are already in Toronto. I am so excited for a fresh start and to fulfill my high school dream of taking classes at Second City. I am excited about exploring parts of my great country that I have yet to explore. I have been doing some research on my new home and it sounds like it is going to be the perfect fit for me. I don't have to drive! Toronto is supposedly set up in little neighbourhood villages, which sounds super duper cute and like a new adventure every weekend! Plus, all that dreamy, lovely potential TV work! AND - a beach in the city! So, yeah I am a little excited. I am going to finish out my contract with the government and start applying for work in Toronto and hope to GOD I can pull it all off. Until then, while I get these days with antsy pants I have got the gym to keep me on route. AND - Tina Fey’s amazing book to inspire me! Nerds can make it too, people! Nerds can make it, too!

Grey's Anatomy Music Event - Universe & U

I will admit that I was VERY skeptical/intrigued about the Grey's Musical Event. The episode turned out to be one of the most moving of the show's history. This song originally by KT Tunstall is sung by actresses Jessica Capshaw and Sara Ramirez is my favourite in the episode! I can't stop listening to it!

Found my fire... again...

Monday will make two weeks since I slipped and sprained my ankle. I will admit that the last two weeks have not exactly been my best moments on the journey to Andrea 2.0. Some old bad habits found me again and I slipped back into the familiarity of who I used to be. I began living for the wrong the things again, all those things I used to want that got me no where. I was beginning to think I lost my way.
The weather has been grey and it has matched my mood perfectly. Then a snowstorm sweeps in and mirrors my panic attacks in my head that I am not getting anywhere with my plan to move forward. The last two weeks have been a constant cycle of grey and snowstorms. Work slowly goes on by quietly, uneventful and it scares me when sometimes I have felt myself just going through the motions again. That is definitely a bad habit from my past, it was how I lived for the past 3 year, like a robot.
So, today my ankle is feeling better and I decided to go back to the gym. And I am so glad I did. Because I put on my old Nike's, turned up my beats, and ran straight into who I am trying to be. I feel the fire again. The change that is taking me forward might have been on hiatus during my injury but it is back and ready to kick some serious ass. Bring on the snowstorms, bring on the grey skies, bring transit mess ups and icy roads; but if this giant butt of mine can make it through just half an hour on the elliptical trainer; nothing is going to stop me. I'm on my way.