Television Dreamin'

Let the following statement be clarified now as a vast understatement; I have been known to be a tad over emotional. My tear ducts often have a damp mind of their own. My feelings are as often passionate as they are unrequited. I have spent my whole life pretending like my brain is in charge but every big decision (mistake)I have made has been lead by my emotions. Over and over again my emotions and feelings have been my ruin. Whether they are freely flowing or erupted in a blast of messy, drunken and often written emotion; my feelings often lead to disaster.

I have been planning, researching and studying Toronto, Second City, and the Television Industry intensively for the last couple of years. Developing this new dream from myself helped save me from the darkness I was in at the time. I may have even driven myself slightly insane with all the over-thinking. But I want to be like the women I admire so much, Tina Fey and Oprah, living my passion in a smart and successful way. I mean do you think Tina Fey or Oprah have been mortified by a drunken text lately? Unlikely...

I have put myself through the ringer for the hope of finding someone to love me. My emotions have led me to give so much of myself away without ever waiting for someone to meet me half way. I attack my own dignity by obsessing, drunken texting and emailing and even pretending to understand and enjoy football to impress the latest douche bag I am trying to make love me. And it has always ended up with me alone with my real boyfriend Television.

Television has been the real love of my life, literally at first sight. Whether it was Super Grover, Alex P. Keaton, Rachel Green, or Liz Lemon even in my loneliest, pathetic fat girl moments I have had the company of these characters to carry me through. One of only things to save me through the social hell of high school was Saturday Night Live. So, not only am I passionate about television I feel in debt to it because it has not only been my constant companion over the years but I am pretty certain it has been my savior.

Other people's doubt doesn't matter anymore. My emotions and feelings don't matter anymore. My silly dream of love definitely doesn't matter anymore. I am a woman with a mission flowing through every cell of her body. I will cope, rationally and responsibly, in this big bad world on my own because it is what I have got to do to make a lifelong dream come true. Television is who I am. It is my future.

Oh sweet TV Goddesses Tina Fey and Oprah Winfrey send me your super powers!