So, I have to admit that the scariest thing about going on a tour of Europe on my own was basically just one thing, human beings. Humans genuinely scare me. They lure you in liking them and act like you are going to have fun with them and the wham you are fighting or boom you are hurting one another. And after getting my heart so broken three years ago, I gave up on humans and was not interested in getting into too many new friendships or relationships of any kind. I kept the few strong friendships with people who stuck by me during the worst of it after Vegas but I can honestly say that I even pushed them away as much as I could without having them leave my life completely. I just wanted to protect myself. I was tired of being the best friend that was so easy to stab in the back and the fat girl who you lead on for years before crushing her soul. I just wanted to live a safe and drama-free life without the complications of involving too many other people into the mix. But the thing is, when you want actually live in this beautiful, big and populated world, socializing in inevitable. So when I chose to live again by traveling to Europe, I also chose to walk back into socializing.
I was petrified the day I met my roommate in London. Was she going to be some kind of psycho killer bitch? Was she going to hate me? My stomach was in knots when I walked into that hotel room and I found something unexpected. A girl from Toronto traveling alone and excited to see all the things I was looking forward to seeing. Right away that was a huge thing I had in common with her and 46 other people I was lucky enough to get to know on this tour.
We all checked into the tour the night before we departed. There was an awkward excitement in the room as 47 of us all scoped each other out. And then quicker than I thought came the friendly smiles and the “Hey - where are you from?"s. That quiet room became so full of chatter much quicker than I expected and it sort of put me at ease. I exchanged info with a few people and then we made a plan to go to a pub and have a few drinks and a bite to eat before our early morning start to Amsterdam. I met a lovely Canadian couple and we were going to head back to our hotel before we went out to the pub. On the way, we got completely turned around and then I saw a girl I had recognized from the check in and Facebook group and she was carrying something all travelers should have, an I-phone. And she navigated us back to the hotel and we found our way to the pub after that. Yay for I-phones! And at the pub we met a lot more people. A few crazy Aussies, a person who actually lives in New York City, and a few more Aussies! We had a few drinks all giving our stories of how we got on the tour and our lives back home. And then we were off to bed early-ish buzzing about the excitement of leaving the next day.
We got on the coach to the ferry in Dover that took us to Calais and it was pretty quiet. A few small groups formed in the cafeteria of the ferry and I sat with the people I had met the night before. The conversation was about what Amsterdam would be like and then in a flash we were on the coach driving from Calais to Amsterdam. Our tour manager gave us info of where we were and where we were going and then we were told we would be speed date style meeting on the bus.
Crap.
This would be a big test of my socializing skills and I was saying quiet prayers that they weren't too rusty. And then we started and I surprised myself at how easy it was to tell my story, make a joke and laugh at someone else's. Not only did it come so easy but it felt so natural. This is was who I used to be and this is who I am. I am a girl who loves to laugh, chat and socialize. I forgot that. I forgot that sometimes being in the company of another person doesn't have to be about drama. It can be about excitement, fun and adventure.
A couple of hours after speed dating we rolled into Amsterdam. A quirky city where, historical buildings neighbor unique, modern architectural experiments. An immaculate city that has a lot less shine then the Sin City out west but an authenticity that can't be rivaled. Yet, it is not a city built on Sex, Drugs and Rock 'N Roll alone. There's history, art, colourfully lined canals, a laidback, quirky liberal population, and Heineken to complete the amazing city that is Amsterdam.
That evening we headed out for a very social Canal Cruise where the booze and conversation flowed. We were buzzed when we headed into the red light district for our cultural evening out (sex show). There are no pictures in the Red Light District but it is pretty much what you expect girls in windows and sex shops. The sex show was something I was not terribly comfortable with watching but when in Amsterdam? It was something the old me would so not do and well she was a bit of a bore so, why not? So there they were doing their stuff and the only thing that shocked me, besides a banana incident at the end I can't go into too much detail about, was how bored they looked while they were going at it. But I guess I have made those same faces while filing at my former places of employment.
After our cultural evening we gathered outside the theater and sang Happy Birthday to my Canadian friend from the pub the night before, as a plastic elephant squirted what I hope was water on us. Try forgetting that birthday, Heather! Ha. We then headed to the infamous Amsterdam cafes that quickly became filled with smoke and giggles. I was still attempting to be good on my diet in Amsterdam and was a bit concerned about getting the munchies. Surprisingly, I was much more self-controlled then I expected even when the evil Dutch put the most delicious looking pastry shops near these cafes. I drooled as I watched everyone else eat but I was saving myself for Italy damn it! We headed up back to the hotel and we all hogged the free computers to report on our Amsterdam adventures on Facebook before I headed for the best sleep of the whole tour.
The next day we headed to Ann Frank's house. I only know about the Holocaust from what I had learned in school. This trip inspired me to do some more reading on it. I had read about the bright girl who kept a journal while being hid away from the world because of who she was and what she believed in. Seeing the posters she put up on the wall and reading the words she wrote in the journal made her so real to me. Having been someone, who much like Anne poured my hopes, dreams and teenage angst into a journal, I felt connected to her. Hate killed her and millions of others. Bright lights all put out by hate. And that was the first day I really thought about the effects of hating the people who hurt me had, had in my life. That inner conversation would continue later on in the tour.
After an emotional trip to Anne Frank's House I really wanted to go see the Van Gogh museum but I didn't know if I would have enough time, as we only had 3 hours. So, I stuck around with a few of my tour mates and checked out the streets in and around the Damrak. I have got to say window shopping in Amsterdam is like nowhere else in the world. You've got girls for guys, guys for guys, guys for girls, toys and videos for everyone, condoms shaped like Statue of Liberty, and cannabis on or in everything!
I think Amsterdam was the perfect place to start the tour and head back into socializing. Amsterdam gave me a wonderful dose of "Don't Worry Be Happy" and had me less anxiously looking forward to the adventures I was going to have with my 47 new friends in the next 12 days.
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