Fat Girl Ramblings...

You know what is weird about dieting? You are supposed to think about what you eat which means you are thinking about food (at least I am) a lot more than I did before. I am always planning head and trying to think about creative ways to be healthy. Another strange problem is occurring during my unemployment... while my lack of schedule is great for the time I can spend at the gym, it also creates a lot of down time and old Andrea habits linger at moments and in down times I tend to turn to food. Not to mention not having somewhere to be everyday messes up your eating schedule!
The world is so strange. Why is that food tastes so darn good but it is so bad for you and yet the gym feels like it slowly killing you at times but it is making you healthier? I wish I knew how to be skinny and I could you know just wake up in the morning and be like a normal person. Not normal in a blah boring way, just in shape. It would be nice to be average in size but never in personality.
Although, I think sometimes I hide behind my personality. I have made the lamest excuses for not attempting to lose weight. "If someone can't love me for who I am and not what I look like than I don't want to be with them." "It what inside that matters." And sure personality is the most important indicator of one's character but so is how one takes care of themselves. And the truth is I have spent 28 years of doing a really shitty job of maintenance on this body.
Just how I realized my happiness and my future lie in my hands, I also realize those hands carry my health too. I have to stop letting fear and procrastination slow me and down and far too often stop me in my tracks.
I really want to be healthy, average sized but not in personality. I hope I can get there. I pray that I get there.
There is that lovely quote said by whom, I am not sure but it says, "It is never too late to start becoming who you were meant to be." I hope that is true.