Love? and Good news!

I am not sure if happened under the bridges in Venice or at the Eiffel Tower but in Europe I fell in love with idea of falling in love again.

The problem is, I sort of hate who I am when I fall in love with someone and that person well no one ever falls in love with her. Losing all this weight and getting Toronto seem so much more feasible to me than having someone fall in love with me. So, all day every day I try so hard to just focus on the goals I think are somewhat attainable to me. But at night alone in my bed it is hard not to want someone to hold me. Ugh.

If the universe somehow miraculously sent me someone to love right now, I am so afraid I will be the old blind lunatic I always turn into when the "crush" of the moments ruled my world. The old Andrea would fall in love with her closest guy friend, put them up on this ridiculous, undeserving pedstal and give up who she was to be something she thought they wanted and it always ended badly.

On a day to day basis that person is so far from who I really am. On a day to day basis I feel like that person could actually be loved, not the crazy lunatic of the past, that bitch needs to be locked up!

I feel like for the first time in a long time I am open to the idea of love. I am open to the idea of someone loving me for me. I do want to be in love but I want be smarter with my heart in the future too. And the next time I fall it would be nice to have someone holding my hand and falling with me. Whether it happens or not, who knows?

I do know I am not going to sit around and wait for it because I have got work to do! Toronto and a sexy and healthy Andrea 2.0 await.

Good news on the working out front. My unemployment payments were bumped up so I can afford to go back to the gym. I am so excited to really give it a trillion percent until I find a job and then it will have to be lowered to just a million percent effort to lose this weight! I am feeling good! I am feeling hopeful about EVERYTHING! 2011 is going to be awesome... I can feel it!