Late Night Freak Out

It is 2am and I am really quite tired but my brain is racing.
At about 9pm every night, I put my healthy lunch together; I pick out what I am going to wear and the eye shadow to match. And tonight at that time, all the not so great feelings about being laid off, finally hit me. (I know Mom ... you told me so!)
Just as my mother predicted, I spent 9pm and after sitting in my room having a good cry. I felt like a failure, even though the whole laying off thing was “restructuring”. I might have not been the biggest fan of the clerical side of my job but for the last 3 years I have put my heart and soul into data entry just to get a few moments to savour every moment I could to write a script I was proud of or have a good idea during brainstorm. For three years that is who I was; it was my reason to get up in the morning.
And now, what am I going to wake up to do? I can’t take a long time to decide because any money I have saved is going to dwindle down. I have to figure out this opportunity disguised as a giant mess, SOON! Since the age of 11 when I have needed to figure something out, I went to my journal... today I go to my blog.
I had a plan that I didn’t share too publicly because I didn’t want to be disloyal to my employer *eye roll* but here it is:
I was going use the next 10 months to shrink myself down and save money to get the hell out of Calgary by June 2011.
Well, fate had some other plans and now the not-so-shrunken version of me has the money and opportunity to get out of Calgary. The best laid plans, right?
As for a concrete plan about where I was going after Calgary.... yeah let’s just say I am bit confused.
Since, I first went to Vancouver and Victoria 9 years ago, I knew that was a place I was meant to call home one day. I identify with the liberal, hippy people and I love being near the ocean and mountains. I would think it would be easier to get a job in Vancouver rather than Victoria. And Vancouver is a beautifully efficient city compared to Calgary but a wee bit expensive!
But then there is Toronto. Home of the Second City’s Training Camp! The alumni are just some of the most successful Saturday Night Live and sitcom writers, ever! The city isn’t that expensive compared to Calgary, and a job might be easier to come by and I could take night classes at Second City!
There is also a really good opportunity for me to travel and work abroad before I am 30 with the SWAP program. Most of the exotic places I have seen in my life have been on books, movies and television. I have never been anywhere tropical, I want to see the ruins of Rome, and the Eiffel tower, and I want to learn to surf! I want to experience ... the world!
I am young, not tied down to work, love or property and I have been given this opportunity to go out and live life... RIGHT NOW! And I have no clue what I’m going to do... I know I just have to do something! *Breathe*...
Maybe, my Dad is right... maybe I shouldn’t over think this and plan too much. I should just apply everywhere and see what happens. It seems like the fates are not the biggest fan of my plans anyways!
Blergh! I need a life coach or something because I have no clue about what to do next? But I guess options are never a bad thing!
Thank you to everyone for their well wishes and keeping an eye out for work for me! Give me a shout and tell me what you think I should do!? All and any suggestions will be considered!
Now, I am going to follow the advice of my Broadcasting bud Hans and go for late night stroll to get out of my head and find faith that everything is going to be alright.
PS – Facebook friends who are getting sick of my annoying “unemployed status” updates, do what I do when I get annoyed with your “I am soooo in love” statuses... click on the right-hand side of my status and hide my updates!