Bye Bye Love

This is how my loving relationship with men started... with a slap to the face. I was in kindergarten getting carpooled to school with the cute boy with the dimples and spiky hair in my class. And I just went for it. The seed of fairytale romances were already embedded in me like it was in every other little girl. Someone should write a more precautionary tale for kids about the truth about the majority of “Prince Charming”... hardly more like the ogre under the bridge.
I am 28 years and never been in love and yet in 28 years I have been programmed to want this romantic thing that is constantly letting me down. I am supposed to be a part of some fairytale, happy ending BS. Well, the facts of the matter is the closest thing I have come to any fairytale is being the stepping stone in someone else’s happy ending.
When I have a crush on a guy, I become a lunatic... I HATE who I become. I become consumed and weak and usually broken-hearted and for what? The latest schmuck who likes the fat girl there to stroke his ego until a better opportunity comes along? The mistake some drunk friend makes one night? Is that worth sacrificing pieces of myself for? And all these men who I wasted so much time with are always in retrospect so wrong for me.
So far in my life, men have proved to be nothing but a liability and as bad for me as a plate full of complex carbs covered in sodium drenched in fried lard. So now when I am trying to be someone more balanced and grown up it doesn't make sense to carry on wishing for love to be mine. I am sick of hitting my head against that unforgiving wall. I am okay letting that dream go to conquer other ones.
Sure... I maybe turning 28 without ever been in love. But I have never seen the Eiffel Tower either, I have never learned to surf, I've never learned Italian ... and those are dreams that are going to take me somewhere.
I am okay letting go of my silly hopeless wish for love.